You see before going there, their was family issues going on. Yes, all families have issues. If you say yours doesn't you're
a. unaware b. in denial c. disconnected
Everything felt like it was falling apart. My faith felt shaken. My household felt even more like it was falling apart than normal. Some other crisis' had come up. Work, family, school-- just felt like a complete burden. (Notice I said "felt" a lot.)
Don't get me wrong, all of that is still there. So I'm learning to build my faith again. I'm learning to be the change in my household-- not just another person to complain about needing a change in the home. I'm searching for answers to the "crisis" that had come up. I'm learning to hand it over to God. I'm learning. That's what life is, a big learning process.
Anyway, those are just some of the thing's that was "up against me" going to NCMC that weekend. While there I had to be pushed out of my comfort zone. Again. That happens a lot. I don't talk much. Thus why I write too much. Let's see... I really like it there. I think it's just not time yet for me to go. I didn't fill out an application for that reason. It wasn't even all the stuff going on that made me decide against it. Not even the cost of going. It was simply "not the time, maybe soon, but not yet."
I do know I need discipleship. My family doesn't really talk about God. More so, someone in my house is utterly against God and openly so. I hope my actions speak loud enough. I know they haven't been in the past. But I hope they will now-a-days. I really want to keep that commitment. I know I'll fail. I know there is grace when I do. Even so, I still want to strive for it.
I really like the whole set-up of it. The daily prayer. Communion with God. Really connecting with Him. Not just in worship. Not just in song or dance. But in prayer. In talking with Him. By connecting with God. If we don't connect with God, how then can we minister to God or to others? We can't. We shouldn't. I won't. You know what I mean? God can only use someone who is willing and has been in His presence. This reminds me of what it says in Jeremiah 23:22--> "But if they had stood in my counsel, and had caused my people to hear my words, then they should have turned them from their evil way, and from the evil of their doings." (KJV).
I really like the fact that you don't have to have a car. I know I should get a car. I know it's a blessing. I hate driving. I would prefer not to. However, I realize I need my license. I have my permit. I'm getting there. I know God's working on me. Including the fear that is there concerning having a car, having a licence and the whole issues.
I love the people. I love the ministries. I love the church they have partnered with. I love the family aspect of it. I also know that if and when I go, it has to be for God and my relationship with Him. It can't be for the people there or anything else. Not to rid my life of problems, because I'll always have problems. Not to escape any of the issues of home or work.
I've been thinking a lot lately, though. The fact is I do need and want something like this. Maybe NCMC isn't right for me. but there is plenty of MC out there. Even more so, there is TM and they have an internship in Africa. Which is one place I've wanted to go since I was thirteen. Also, there is the OneThing internship in KC with IHOPrayer. I do feel called to MC more though. I'll keep praying. I'll keep waiting until God says "GO". Until then, I'm still the ambassador God has called me to be.
I have much more to write. So, I'm gonna take a break right now, I want to tell you about what happened there, not just what I thought about it. But for now, I have to go and work on finding something-- that I just thought of. :-) I'll be back later... Until then, Keep seeking the One and Only King!
God Speed
♥Britt
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